i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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