There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
