Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
