If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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