For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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