I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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