Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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