I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
