he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize