i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
