Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
