I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
