i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
