I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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