I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize