im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We need to get me chipped asap
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
