Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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