Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
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