Can i not drive my cunt home
I've blown a few things in my day
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
