I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
