don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just googled if crying burns calories
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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