Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
