She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I could make wine with my vomit
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just had sex on a roof
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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