so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
