I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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