Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
