My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
