i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
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