my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
