JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
