I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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