I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
