fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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