She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize