Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
