There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
