YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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