We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
