Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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