Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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