I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
