Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
