Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize