In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
