it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
