I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I still have a little drunk in my system
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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