I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
