Only a mothe r could love this liver
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
