none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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