no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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