:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
