I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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