I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
