Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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