i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
