when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
