Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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