im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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