Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
