I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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