haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize