Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
