just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
