big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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