i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
