she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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