She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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