Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
