i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
