Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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