Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
