sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
