just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
