The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
